How often do dismissive avoidants come back reddit. 11 votes, 12 comments.

How often do dismissive avoidants come back reddit This was now years ago but I also dated someone for 5 years who I now suspect was an avoidant. If you recognize them becoming avoidant you do the exact same and give them space and allow them to come back to Dismissive avoidant here I've been trying to read a lot about attachment styles recently and you're the only person I've seen who brought up the poly thing. I think the hope with such question is usually that if avoidants are hit with the pain and regret of losing a relationship, they will naturally want it back, because that's how more anxious people reason is normal behavior. It’s gaslighting at its finest. the reason you feel it's disrespectful, is because it is. I had a lot to learn about what happened. Honestly I can't give an answer to that. it took me 6 days to reach out only because i believed what i did was impulsive but my attempt to contact back wasnt recieved positively. 11 votes, 12 comments. Mine doesn’t do compliments, affirmations, NEVER says thank you or sorry-EVER! There are a lot of people who would like to be the main character in someone else's story, even if they don't want to have to do the work to show up and be a real part of that story. true. He came back 5 months after. Which concerned me, kind of, but I also respected because I thought avoidant = correct. But there were times when I would be. The first time I begged for a month, now I went straight into NC. Despite my hesitation and against my usual advice. To keep this a safe space for avoidant attachers, this subreddit is strictly moderated. I will check back in two days from now. 2 weeks later you'll get the apology for their actions as it's taken the dismissive that long to actually process that interaction and figure out they were wrong. Don’t settle for it. I would have considered myself very secure prior to a 14. It’s a negative situation, but the avoidant feels good about it if they see you don’t expect them to acknowledge you or contact you. It's a never ending cycle. A DA attachment is characterized by an intense fear of engulfment (and an unconscious fear of abandonment) which manifests in us fiercely defending/asserting our independence/autonomy often at the expense of intimacy. I had been with my partner for 5 1/2 years and felt like I didn't have the feelings I should have for her at that point in our relationship. Apparently I swept her off her feet by accident ever since day one, because she said she always looked up to me. How A Fearful Avoidant Ex Comes Back – Explained In Detail. The only way to be happy with an avoidant IMO is to just believe they love you and be content to never, ever receive any validation that they love you. 9% sure is Dismissive Avoidant, I am Anxious Preoccupied but working towards becoming Secure. We fell in love with who they were during courtship, and remained addicted to So, all of this is to say that usually a fearful avoidant will find it harder to ghost long term as opposed to a dismissive avoidant because a fearful avoidant can fall victim to their anxious attachment style. This is a support sub for Dismissive Avoidants. To give a little context, I am a Dismissive Avoidant. In retrospect, he was so avoidant that it made me anxious. But I've also come to the realization that he's got a dismissive avoidant attachment style. I tried to call him over Thanksgiving break and no response. 5 year relationship with a strong dismissive avoidant with ADHD. where give them time to process and come back. if the person is Secure, etc. 137 votes, 77 comments. They do come back but you'll wish they didn't. Blindsided for the most part after 18 months. I am FA leaning who has lean anxious in my relationships with avoidants but starting to lean secure. He does always come back, and tries to explain to me that it’s not Often times the "reason" for the persons deactivation will get rationalised by that person as being related to something completely honestly sometimes they probably never want to be contacted again. If you aren't getting clear communication that this person wants to win you back, they probably don't care enough to do the work to win you back. It depends on person. So sorry OP that youre going through this! I do think its ok for an avoidant to ask for space with a set time to come back. 3. I expected to feel infatuated, or simply more "in love" with her than I did and that was simply never a feeling I ever had in our relationship, although I have had that feeling in the past with exes. He in turn was very open to what made him dismissive in the past. **This community isspecifically for those with a DA attachment style** This is to vent, support, and work towards having healthier relationships with others. If they don't come back you will be beyond amazed at how easy it is to construe your next partner, providing you don't fall in love with somebody else like that. Narcissists have a grandiose sense of self importance and are delusional about said self importance. He still cares about you and regrets leaving. Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. I was being interment reinforced every 2 weeks for 3. From what I have seen from many people it takes on average between 3-6 months, in some cases it did take more than a year. Do dismissive avoidants come back? Long story short we were long distance and we got engaged. I don't want to control you I want my autonomy. However, when a positive tone strategy is used to try to make a partner feel guilty if they didn’t want to break-up, it can potentially Like anxiously attached, fearful avoidants are also likely to use self-punishment coping and to experience higher depressive and anxiety symptoms after the breakup which can affect the chances of them coming back and/or lengthen Today we're going to talk about how often dismissive avoidants come back after they go through a breakup. "I love you" is just the kind of thing I'm less likely to toss out flippantly. Due to the lack of expressed emotions they are Indeed. Please respect our space It's just that that's what I have experienced with my mom who is a dismissive avoidant. Or gaining perspective on whether they want to come back doesn't happen in a vacuum. Yes, I am an avoidant and I have done this. Please respect our space too much attention, too many compliments, demanding my space/time/energy, too many compliments (not trusting someone is also a trigger). They have to lose you completely, so don't contact them. Only advice is avoidant attachments often come back, pull back and repeat and the relationship develops had a slower pace. There will lots of regrets, especially if they realise they're being avoidant. Good luck. I'm hoping he would come back. However I think you need to ask yourself is this what you want in a relationship. Yes, an avoidant ex may come back, but not for the correct reasons, and they may come back without very little self-awareness or introspection. It they’re an avoidant fearful or dismissive and they’re not healed or in the process of healing then they’re a waste of time. Reply reply After 6 months of me trying to convince her to come back home and work on our relationship, (Ashley Maddison), chat apps, a physical affair, was following multiple adult accounts on Reddit, and chatting with 3-5 women on Kik when I found out. Would I take a bullet for this person or help them move a dead body, B. So maybe you feel disconnected when they do come back because you are subconciously trying to protect yourself from those stuff you think that are hapenning in that distance, and often thats not the case when DA/FA wants space. Am I willing to gamble half of everything I own. Sometimes all day, sometimes once or twice a day. I’m bringing this up since someone else’s post a few days ago has made me recognize some of my garbage relationship habits. One thing i learned is that if you gave them everything and they left without regards, they’re always gonna come back because you’ve been filling a void in them that they didn’t know existed. They do feel connected to you when they come back. This time at first my friend was even asking if she could come and sleep over 'cause she felt so anxious, but we came to the conclusion, that it would be impractical, Sometimes pulling back is the best thing you can do for them. They usually come back but it takes them a very long time. Avoidants have a terrible reputation--particularly dismissive avoidants. He suddenly blocked me for 40 days in NC out of nowhere. He’s not as severely avoidant tho. How often do you hear people having successful relationships with them where they provide a normal level of reciprocated love and attention and commitment? Just don’t set a boundary and break your own boundary because you lose the respect of a dismissive avoidant. Dismissive avoidants don’t operate on the same emotional wavelengths as those with more secure In my opinion, dismissive avoidants usually won’t come back to you unless they are given enough time to begin “longing” for you and even then they tend to like fawning after you from afar. I have a friend who I am 99. If you’re ok with wasting your time on those odds instead of moving on and finding someone actually capable of having a relationship then you might have some thinking to do 64 votes, 41 comments. You need to put the work in getting out of it and do something different. Which annoyed me. " Non-avoidant participation is limited and enforced. i think he mainly blocked me cuz he heard i went out with another dude Do avoidants ever come back or regret their decision? Title says it all. It’s common for avoidants to come back around for another hit of dopamine and validation. In my case, they always chose someone else 😂 beautiful. Reply reply Antler_Pasta The few self-aware avoidants who I look up to continue to do so, and the overwhelming majority of avoidant people I know do not come anywhere close to being able to understand it. 9999%. It all boils down to the evidence. And the tragic part of this is, that people who are anxious or fearful avoidant WILL very often abandon you if they do turn you into an emotional softy, because they date avoidants. I only see him once a week. So, most people don’t ever think How often do dismissive avoidants get into rebound relationships? A few days ago, just two weeks shy of our second anniversary, my boyfriend decided to end our relationship. Says it's true love, he feels butterflies, all that stuff. It is possible that they will come back, but it is more possible that they won't. Some avoidants do. I do know people say that avoidant tend to get into a dance and cyclical relationships. But by the time she met me, my own life situation had become bad enough that I was already an That'll last until you give into your loneliness and start seeking someone to fill that empty void you keep ignoring. My ex is avoidant and she will never come back. I nearly died, came back to life, died again. If you do that and they come back, great, if not, you are rock solid in your own company. They do often go back to exes when they get lonely or need some attention. So their behaviour is emotionally abusive in the best case scenario. Whereas anxious will latch on, secure healthily has a connection, avoidant’s retreat. Makes you doubt your experience. All 3 attachments are created through our childhood. Dismissive Avoidant Question DA:s that live together with your partner, how often do you do any of the below with your partner? (Ideally, if it's up to you) Kiss Hug It would be interesting to hear if similarly to me (AP) you'd ideally do these things around once per day, As an f FA age 38 dating a m DA age 41, I often find myself trying to guess what he wants or what he’s thinking, when I really just want him to come out and tell me. Search dismissive avoidant on Reddit. ” If you still need more time after that, tell them you’ll check Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. If you do not report it, the mods will not see it. First time after 6 months, he came back after 3 months NC and now after 8 months he left me again 6 weeks ago. Only posts from DAs will be approved at this time. so I understand that. Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating. He blocked me Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. He's known the guy 3 months and I know that's bs honeymoon phase talk. My strong dismissive avoidant partner has definitely improved over time with me. So I want to come from a hurt, dismissive perspective and try my best to . I’m a fearful avoidant and I have reached out to apologize to people 1-3 years later. 23 votes, 35 comments. If you guy to the avoidant sub and read the posts about them post breakup, most all of them state that they will not come back and simply move on. The whole "Maybe you should experience XYZ! 😡" thing that some of them do to get back at us speaks anxious-preoccupied people experience the same thing, where one of them presents more avoidant). Even if they come back they’re just going to repeat the same pattern love compassion etc isn’t going to magically cure years and years of trauma and behaviors these are ingrained in them. A lot of avoidants come back to try again, repeatedly. It also depends on if I’m being dismissive or fearful in the relationship (I’ve definitely been both in different relationships). They do give you space and back away a bit but seem to do so in a loving way - this instantly relieves any enmeshment anxiety you have and actually makes you secure or even a bit anxious. I love him. DA) The Fearful Avoidant 3-6-9 Month Breakup Timeline. The shiny new houses for the avoidants, where they come in the window with a fecking crowbar. It takes longer for us to come back but we do. Dismissive avoidants usually are the ones to cut you off and pretend you don’t exist lol. My partner (M24) is a Dismissive Avoidant and he has been emotionally available but after a week where we fighting, he just I don't think there's a straight answer to give to this, because it fluctuates per person, per circumstance, per relationship dynamic. *I 186 votes, 59 comments. I was very clear with my triggers that make me avoidant. If you show that you can self-soothe during their withdrawal, and you don't make them wrong for needing space, this allows to build confidence overtime for both of you to navigate to a situation with less 385 votes, 143 comments. And they will, eventually, because even avoidants have needs. They don’t have the desire or tools to be in a healthy relationship with you at this time. “I need a few days to myself. Anxious people have to have every cell in their body convinced that they cannot change and will not come back to let go. I Same. Failure to remove ID info will result in a 1-2 day ban. but sometimes they do come back, but FAs often do the pursuing when they feel somebody else withdraw. Depending on how close I am to the person and what they are doing, I generally feel trapped, enraged, and an intense need to run. People change, grow, get sick, get older. Reddit . But if you let them be when they pull back and they are genuinely interested in your then they will come back. e. It’s not uncommon for a dismissive avoidant ex to decide months I’m more fearful avoidant (especially at first) but over time I generally move much more to the dismissive avoidant side. This was your only long term relationship, one that really changed you. We have Once they emotionally detach from all emotions and feelings, most dismissive avoidants don’t come back. For those who do not have an avoidant attachment style looking for answers, there is a wealth of information for you available by keyword searching "FAQ. Is it possible for someone with a dismissive avoidant commitment issue to talk themselves out of falling in love, envisioning Relationships with FAs are often codependent so heal your codependency first. like i said at first, he was taking accountability and responsibility but then started flipping and blaming me and shit. 56K subscribers in the attachment_theory community. By "they" I mean if the breakup was caused by deactivation and not them being done-done, if they do care, all you need to do is give them space for 2-3 months and then reach out in a warm, nonthreatening way. "They" do. I loved and waited for him without a single text or word for eight months, my heart breaking a little more every day. Eg. Please respect our space. But always leave for the key! Sick puppies. Most of us who stick/stuck with with Dismissive Avoidants didn't know what they were in the beginning, nor the degree of pain, lonliness, cruelty and abandonment that was to come. He apologized for hurting me, leaving me without working on us, that he was Yes. This is all probably a bunch of gibberish because it’s late here and I can’t think straight, but my point is that yes, secure partners do actually help - but sometimes it’s in a non-linear way. They connect through sex - and because of their need to retain attention, they tend to have few limits or personal boundaries and their fantasies tend to be about being used, mildly humiliated If they come back after the deactivation then encourage a civil, solution-focused discussion about what occurred. All rules apply in that thread. Ugh. When he is triggered he is very conflict avoidant but we've been working on that together through therapy. Let’s say they reached out to you after the breakup. you should find something deeper to base your connections on because intimacy comes and goes. feeling like my energy/love isn’t being reciprocated, feeling that the person doesn’t care about me, or that they are insincere/fake/have an ulterior motive. They are going to regret it and miss you until you have moved on. say different. I'm not very clingy, I understand that he needs his personal time. They know all the pretty little words that will get your heart aching to be with them again but nothing 8) “Is my avoidant ex going to come back?” Avoidant exes, like any other ex, could come back. well i think he was just mad and upset and im sure he will reflect over time thinking things over. Luckily, u/fireflutter had done enough work not to be sucked back into another unhealthy dynamic and end up having to pick up the pieces all over again when it ended. Go on literally any other break up form. They don’t ‘always come back’ - please stop perpetuating a parasitic myth This is why avoidants should be considered cluster B and not attachment. i honestly think he was just upset and thats why he said those things but it still dont make it right. I am usually so consumed with my own chaos and anxiety, that I forget to read the mind of others. to me, with people that aren't avoidant-dismissive, relating to them seems like it so all or nothing compared to how i prefer to relate to They desire intimacy and commitment but often distrust and react negatively when others try to get close, leading to turbulent relationships. Then they get in too deep and can’t actually make a real relationship work so they bail. And even material that correctly describes it and goes in depth and is aimed at the Dismissive, most of the comments section were from an an anxious point of view, especially very hurt anxious people that were kind of attacking/placing all the blame on the avoidant. It took me a few breakups and patterns to realize I am the issue so work is being done on my end. Dismissive avoidants have a core wound of being 'Defective'. (and on yourself as well). Please respect our space 117 votes, 290 comments. I've never fully gone into a poly relationship but i can definitely see how multiple maybe slightly" shallower" (for lack of a better term) relationships even with deep sexual intimacy would feel fulfilling instead of being trapped 28 votes, 55 comments. How do you recognize a dismissive avoidant? they will And keep in mind that the fear that avoidants have is that greater vulnerability will get you abandoned or rejected. The key is to make sure they change when they come back. posts about relationships longer than 6 months post go to r/relationship_advice or if you are married post to r/marriage I was the DA in my recent failed relationship (also signs of being anxious avoidant too). They have to be aware of their attachment and willing to work on themselves too. For avoidants it's the best because they get to "have you" from a far, they get to hear you want them, without having to deal with the risks that come with an emotionally intimate relationship. don’t call me 50 times; don’t send me 100 texts, don’t drop by my house/job. They can’t yell at their unavailable exes, so they yell at you. I wonder if your ex is a fearful avoidant then. No contact does work on them it takes much longer usually 3-6 months usually. The wikipedia article would do a better job tbh Avoidant’s work in the complete opposite way of the secure attachment and anxious attachment. Do Dismissive Avoidants Ever Feel “Longing I’m completely devastated. I don’t talk to her cause nothing matters with an avoidant. While we were in a committed relationship, I thought we were secure. And yes. I see a lot of people posting here about avoidants/dismissive avoidants and how their exes are never coming back, or won’t ever let themselves think about or revisit the relationship because of their attachment style. Dismissive avoidants come back after months or even years. Attachment Theory helps you understand how your relationship was with your They often come back for sex. He also doesn't see the same need for self improvement that I do, which is often a source of strain. They are hyper-vigilant for signs of threats in relationships, like anxious individuals, but also uncomfortable with too much closeness and stability, akin to dismissive avoidants. I do not know how to teach them. Then you're back right where you left your old relationship. Can a avoidant abandon their children & family? Yes and they do it. I'm probably not the best person to explain this. On average it isn’t any more or less difficult to have an avoidant come back. Dear Dismissive Avoidants, I understand, or rather, sympathize with the negative emotions that can come about when navigating a relationship with an avoidant. Take that hope and turn it into a possibility. i do think he was a fearful avoidant also. He also blindsided me after we made plans to move in together. He’s a dismissive avoidant and I could see he was already withdrawing from the relationship months before it ended. (I'm 22f, he's 29M) I'm the one who moved and he didn't support me like he should have after the move and would only point fingers at me and everything wrong with me as if I didn't move 800 miles away, leave my perfect job and my friends and family, while planning a wedding Avoidants are very good at acting perfect for a short time which is why people get hooked so fast/badly. I've never experience love before until him. I’m sure the general population out there in the world don’t care so much, but the people who do care enough to come vent on Reddit, they are PISSED. He usually texts me every day. But your chances of them pulling the same stunt are pretty much 99. and sometimes doesn’t come back. 83 votes, 256 comments. I've gave up! Me (32) and partner (30) are together for 10 months (short time, I know) and are talking about moving in together someday. This is typical avoidant behavior: going around and asking people about you. I won't leave and come back, I don't want to be friends after, I'm not going to see how you're doing or check your social media. Interestingly, there are a lot of resources out there talking about this. I don't think my ex DA will come back, but I have hope DAs will choose to heal if given motivation and a safe space to do so. For the most part we get along very well. I was not often backhanded in criticism of my ex. Dismissive Avoidant Question it is normally after big intimate moments, and he deactivates hard for at least a day. Dismissive avoidants are serial cheaters. as a dismissive dumper, what helped me reach out was the space that was created. I enjoyed seeing her do well and get excited about things. I’ve been growing and addressing my insecurities and short comings but it seems as far as I come and if I haven’t thought much about her she comes to mind again. The majority of avoidents do come back after some time. . So you have to fight your instincts to do all this. Some of them also feel very guilty about tapping out emotionally because they do actually care about their partner on some level and know the partner doesn’t deserve what’s coming to them. reReddit: Top posts of June 13, 2020. They even go back to help drown out the feelings from their previous break-up. If they refuse to engage or ignore you, I would suggest ending the connection. Thank you for your submission. But really. It seems to me that they are afraid of love, and I often, quickly, lose my patience waiting for them to let their guard down, how can I give them want they need, which is lots of space and patience, while also not over extending myself being the one who always gives, always reaching out to only sometimes get I know why he broke up with me, his mom forced him to bc she saw we were getting serious and doesn't like the fact that I come from a Muslim background. They stick around hoping the spark will come back but of course it doesn’t because the issue is with them and not the other person. Huge trigger as well, usually I withdraw after having complimented my so. Love yourself. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Giving compliments: Ugh. 8) “Is my avoidant ex going to come back?” Avoidant exes, like any other ex, could come back. Its one thing to be self-aware. Avoidants hurt people and have no right dating anyone who is not avaoidant Typically they do come back months later after they’ve had some space from scary intimacy with you. Only a self absorbed coward abandons children or “blindsides” someone when that someone has given their heart. Same. He's currently in his relief phase, partying every night and has trips booked back to back. but in the case that they do, you might as well try. If I do succeed in opening up, I probably won't do it again because I don't enjoy the response, as I don't very often get anyone who actually understands what I'm saying. I don’t want Even if they come back it’s best to just stay away from them trust me it’ll be good for you and your mental health. Dismissive avoidant attachment here. But the unofficial motto of the Dismissive Avoidant is "take it or leave it" and wish more people, especially women who are often over-accommodating, would choose the "leave it" option. I'm an introvert and need time alone as well. If you were needy and anxious in relationship and after, the Yes. There should be a subreddit on this. when I'm done I'm done. it’s selfish and can be super emotionally tolling Again, my hopes soared. When one indulges their avoidant tendencies, it is often intrepreted by others as rude, disrespectful Yup, all that sounds very familiar to me. When you find yourself craving the activation of the connection, remind yourself that the ideal partner for an avoidant is one who TRUSTS them, who is content to be alone a lot of the time, and who knows the avoidant will come back around of their own volition. I've tried to get better about a lot of that stuff, and I do think it's possible to learn to accommodate more. If they come back you will honestly be so mentally tough you can probably take it in their stride. Both willing to work together on fixing ourselves. Not because they are going to shout at you or bully you (some do but depends on the person) but because they don't attach properly, do not admit to weaknesses, do not show vulnerabilities, see the partner as a source of vulnerability and a potential enemy due to that, etc. And choose a random of a dating app. are you a anxiously attached I think one of the things APs often think that is interesting to me is the concept that the more avoidant person somehow holds more power in the relationship, because I often feel like it's the other way around, and maybe other avoidants do too. 23 votes, 24 comments. If an avoidant is not interested, you can expect complete radio silence. More often than not posts undergo manual review by the moderators before approval. If they come from an overbearing family, they are likely dismissive avoidant Please review the subreddit rules prior to participating to ensure this subreddit remains on topic. 6 months later I am with a secure and am reading about all my work. 17 votes, 15 comments. [4] - Please REPORT any comments that do not follow the sub rules. Just blocked a DA ex I was dating. This is the 4th time he has done this, only to come back a few weeks later opening up about how he didn’t mean it and he just felt “trapped. Unfortunately, almost all of them focus I'm a dismissive avoidant and I have no problem saying I love you or I like you if I perceive it will be reciprocated. Please respect our space We had booked her to come and visit at the half-way mark for 3 weeks (that was all the time off she could get). I was sure we’d be getting back together, I didn’t want closure, I wanted him and was so positive he loved me (maybe because he wrote that he did) and that once he was sober he would come back. this sub is for advice about specific dating situations not general debates. I’m over the angry and frustration. Discuss boundaries and needs to make this new relationship stronger. At 3 months, he convinced himself we weren't a romantic match. He told me he wasn’t mature enough and before his 20s ended he wanted to experience new relationships with other girls even though he said what I did for him was more than enough. [5] - PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION from images (Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc). A real question to those who identify with the avoidant attachment style. O. But again everyone is different Do Avoidants Regret Breaking Up And Do They Come Back? 24. DA's are very smart and logical normally so the way you word things really helps, I've changed a lot of the way that I communicate because of my dismissive . It's the worst thing because you're asking them for some degree of emotional response which makes them need to detach even more. Do a Google search. Another to do the work. 233 votes, 70 comments. Dismissives also tend to process a situation long after it occured. 5 months now i feel I've been ghosted going on 6 THANK YOU!!! As a dismissive-avoidant I cannot stand when people automatically lump D/A and narcissists together. I always eventually “learn my people,” which means that my avoidant friends don’t have to explain themselves to me, and I can mostly-accurately predict how best to approach or stay back. Do you think he will come back a second If you need space, ask for it by telling them you need alone time and setting a timeline for when you’ll talk to them again. I have. So maybe I can give some perspective ‘from the other side’ now I’ve had time to reflect and work on things. But, it's not worth the hassle. When I get asked this question, I remind the person that the second time around will fail too What made you wait 10 months to come back? Why didn't you try earlier, or feelings came back late? As an avoidant, why couldn't you move on from her and only wanted her? Even though it doesn't explain every individual or every circumstance in a relationship, the dismissive avoidant attachment style does track my ex's behavior over the course of our Do They Come Back? The short answer is: sometimes, but not always. if we truly never want to hear from your ass again we can just block your number. I rarely ever text him first. Since avoidants aren’t truly aware of their feelings, they don’t talk about them in a meaningful way, and often the first clue the dumpee has that something is wrong, is the avoidant’s move to break up with them. When he dumped me, I was so blindsided and my heart was so shattered that it literally changed my life. I normally feel like blocking is As a 48 y/o Secure, I became Anxious with my 47 y/o Dismissive Avoidant. There are often actual issues why avoidants leave, they just don’t want to deal with them. Most of our conflicts consist of me saying my piece, giving him space, and then if he doesn't come back to me (some 30ish percent of the time) i used to be dismissive avoidant, TL;DR: As an avoidant, I was only able to change after I dated someone even MORE avoidant than I was. So when a DA comes back, basically anything they previously said we're not words taken out of understood feelings, but anxiety. I read Reddit to just ground myself and stop the gaslighting over and over again. He actually doesn't say cruel things but definitely has made rude comments as I do first or back at him. Or I’m a 31F secure female that was seeing a 36M dismissive avoidant for the last 9 months. Questions from users who are not DA may be posted in the Ask A DA thread. But I think it’s important you’ve identified that even if he did come back, he likely would’ve just done the same thing again. But, he wants me in his life. So this guy may have had other things going on. Both of us (him being pretty textbook dismissive and me more so Avoidant). Don’t know about a dismissive avoidant but this may help. They won’t risk contact because you may reply and then they are back in this awkward social situation again. But he has dismissive / avoidant attachment style that adds a lot of struggle. My question is do Dismissive Avoidants ever express their happiness with a relationship directly to the person or does it depend based on the other person’s attachment style? I. I spent years thinking my ex was simply difficult, emotional and occasionally angry. Please respect our space Receiving compliments: I often think my partner wants something from me or wants to manipulate me. She even told me she's terrified of relationships before getting into one and would often cite how she doesn't deserve a thing. A common question on this subreddit often comes from anxiously attached people who have Time will heal and my instincts are telling me that she will come back (her friends are from a highly toxic family, they are likely fearful avoidant. She's constantly irritable, angry, and lashing out at me. Or It’s an attachment style, there’s the classic dismissive avoidant and also fearful avoidants. And then sometimes be avoidant. Just curious if you all are dismissive avoidant as well and relate to this post or if you This is the 2nd break up with my avoidant ex, he broke up with me twice. Avoidant people are impulsive, and often base some big life decisions on these spontaneous impulses. It was an avoidant text book behavior, the prolonging the feeling and the timing to come back and everything. How Long Does It Take An Avoidant To Come Back? (FA vs. I started our relationship being very very very open with what he needed to do to "not lose me". The longer its gone on, the more I've started leaning anxious. Just trying to come out of a 2 year relationship. That's why lots of DA come back to their exes after months (period of detachment to understand what really happened). When I’ve been dismissive I have more closure and have often moved on in my head before the relationship actually ends. Please respect our space And the AP’s who come to Reddit to ask why avoidants do what we do, are already hurt and angry. Huge trigger. 6 Signs A Break-Up With An Avoidant Is Not Final But Temporary. No Contact Works Differently With A Dismissive Avoidant Ex. Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. Either you accept them unhealed and learn how to manage them ,it can work but they need to have a huge open and honest It's not all about attachment style. That is the only way many are comfortable dealing with affection. but idk if It started to make a lot more sense after reading about dismissive avoidant attachment but it felt good at the time. It is a relief to avoidants if you can allow them to withdraw in good confidence and faith that they still like you, and don't problematize their withdrawal when they come back. The truth is often they don’t know what they want until they do, and then they treat it like it’s been that way all along and “how dare” anyone else especially their S. The reality is these people rarely change. So don’t be surprised if he asks your friends how you’ve been doing and whether you’ve met someone new. TLDR: in relationship limbo with my dismissive-avoidant partner of 4 months, do I reach out to tell her that I’ve come to understand her better and accept how she is or do I break no-contact to maintain space? 7) “Does my avoidant ex think about me?” (Do you know if a complete stranger is thinking about another complete stranger?” Yes, only if the avoidant ex has said they do. i genuinely think you need to give them space and take some time to reflect on how to be better. Argument happened and they were in the wrong. My checklist is: A. They don’t reply. Or even that exes come back when you’ve moved on. They'll string you along with false hope of a reconciliation and use you for sex to ease their transition in getting over you then drop you all over again. It's really hard for me to do and when I do I feel so unsafe and I expect the worst, like being threatened later on with what I said. DA need time to think about what's been said to them so that they can come back and talk later. One of the rare times that she has been vulnerable with me is when she told me that she has a small vocabulary, that she has difficulty with finding the right words to express herself, and the anger and frustration is mostly with herself. truth is, they never know what they want, but they miss you so they’re gonna make it your problem even when they’re the one that left. Unfortunately because of her saying she wants to separate the trip was cancelled :/ It’s really interesting because she is super introverted and independent (hence more FA leaning dismissive/avoidant). He eventually wrote me a letter, 8 months after the breakup, apologizing and wanting to get back together but I had already moved on. Since they have trouble forming meaningful, da need to be given a chance to have space and freedom to do what they feel they need to do. I recognize how much work she has to do which she has not even started. id suggest not wasting your time with an avoidant. " Once the relief subsides, I miss my partner but I don’t usually reach out. A lot of them feel relieved when the relationship ends, move on quickly, and have no Dismissive avoidants are usually the opposite - they respect your time/space/boundaries really well usually because they know how important time/space/boundaries are to themselves. However, I suggest you lose that hope that your avoidant can come back so you can move on. I have read that they avoid the ones they have deep feelings for out of fear of intimacy, in the beginning there is less intimacy and closeness so they will have sex & as the intimacy deepens & closer the 2 of you become they no longer have sex with you & start to pull away . This is me, now fully healed from an extreme dismissive avoidant. ” In the first 5 months of our relationship, this happened 3 times. ofil frlumdn tthy dqi bzboz hopoj vvkphb tih cydxtu nbicqdt