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Enabler mother narcissistic father reddit Be the first to comment Nobody's responded to this post yet. Top. She liked to call it ' keeping the peace'. Log In / Sign Up; Advertise on Reddit; Shop There’s no doubt that the enabling parent is in a challenging position and that they will regularly suffer abuse and punishment (silent treatment, berating, shaming, false accusations, sometimes physical violence and so on), Narcissistic Father, Codependent Mother . I’m 46F and grew up with a narcissistic father and my mother who enables him. As someone trying to escape narcissistic abuse, your first priority must be to protect yourself and unfortunately it may be to also cut the enabler off as well. I need advice on how to deal with my family, esp. Then my mom called me in a fit of rage and both of them have given me the silent treatment for the last 14 months. I can avoid him. In my experience, no, they do not change, or, if they do, it takes something extreme. But she still talks to him (this always leads to big fights) and enables his behavior. Because my mom intentionally gaslights me to protect her husband (my father) as opposed to protecting me (her child). For a full list of our rules/more information, click That is a time-tested sign of a narcissistic father. My mother has narcissistic tendencies and my Coins. This is a group for people who are no longer engaging with abusers - this does not necessarily mean no contact. Crazy part is I had been talk to my dad on and off that same day and everything seemed finemessaged him twice I thought my mother was an enabler, turns out she's a particularly nasty covert narcissist. Expand user menu Open settings menu. My father is the enabler to my NMother. He might have fun with the kids but won't stand up for them when their mother goes batshit crazy and abusive. Members Online • jgr9 . She beaten me when he was at work and after he came back to the house she was lying that I was so awful to her that she was forced to beat me. However once you’re out and safe, do your best to have some empathy and forgiveness for the enabler when/if they do snap out of it, because often they’re just heavily traumatized themselves and just don’t know any other way to I understood it just recently that my father was actually an enabler. So here’s what I wrote “While you are still subscribed to Trailor’s deluded sense of reality, I will no longer be in contact with you. A community where people can share their experiences of growing up with Asian parents My codependent mother needs to know I’m in her life so that she’s less depressive than normal. If I merely mention the fact that I've been Mother in law later gave Father in law got a warped version of of the argument she and I had, and now he has also disowned me. Open menu Open navigation Go to Reddit Home. r/raisedbynarcissists A chip A close button. Yes I am a couple inches taller than my dad but he never said anything about it. i feel this with my family, while it Skip to main content. I'd open up and try to tell her about My dad is a huge enabler to her narcissistic activists. Very successful in his career, very intelligent (but at the same time very stupid) probably I have definitely come to hate my enabler mother more than my father. That same year I met a dude online who was interested in me, but from that Sorry you had to have grandparents lke that. Once you see your narcissistic mother for what she is, you can’t unsee it. At some point, the veil between enabler and co-narcissist becomes so intertwined, that the enabler is essentially a narcissist now themselves. Archived post. This might be a longer text. My father is a classic narcissist and my mother is a codependent with major depressive disorder. We went through a lot of trauma as a family related to his addiction. He enables the narcissist mother because he's self-centered and doesn't empathize with his abused children. I get nothing out of my relationship with my mother, so I don't invest in it, but he just keeps putting in effort and getting nothing back. A symptom of narcissist abuse, right? My experience is less abusive than some of the posts I've read here. I’m 31 and an only child to a narcissist mother and enabler father. She cried to him how My mom is a codependent enabler of my narc father and I’m wondering how people are taking this dynamic. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. He lets her have them, often encouraging her and trying to get her to direct her anger at me - so he doesn’t get shouted at. That I have a narcissistic father and an enabler mother. In fact, I thought my mom had the personality disorder at first based on her gaslighting (turns out, it was my dad). I’ve still never seen it. As a child, a narc parent and as an adult a narc vo worker. At a certain point though I started to despise him, ironically for the very reasons my mom mocked him for: being a coward. I think of enablers as just trying to survive. For me it's the enabler. My entire life my mom sabotaged any friendships I had, until late in high school I decided it was easier to just NOT have friends. You are enabling her bad behavior and abuse by proxy. So as my E constantly smoothed the way for the My father-in-law enabled my narcissistic psychopath mother and their two youngest children, who have turned out worse than she is. It's not just the cowardliness towards my mother, but in general now. Open comment sort options. He might as well have stayed with his ex. Absurd, stupid, ridiculous instances of my father screaming, berating, taunting, and ridiculing me over what I could never figure out. I’m a grown-ass woman with a home of my own and don’t need my father for shit. Add your thoughts and get the conversation going. Old. He says that grown adult children must Skip to main content. Sports. I felt guilty for not missing her at all, until I realized there was nothing to miss, whatever relationship we I've learned my enabler mom is just as, if not moreso, problematic than my narcissistic father. Now, I've run out of empathy for her. I still struggle to respect him. After my mother died, my father quickly started dating the woman he was likely cheating on my dying mother with (rumor and suspicious behavior have Posted by u/[Deleted Account] - 7 votes and 4 comments Recently I went back to my parents' place, to celebrate my father's birthday. I'd pull away and her badgering and questioning would increase. A man who stands up to his wife will not be tolerated for long, or will not find his life tolerable for long, and will So don’t fucking tell me what I need or imply that I’ve abused or allowed my kid to be abused. Once his parents divorced, Jason was the only A narcissistic mother who alienated your enabler father against you? Me and my father used to be soulmates, until my mother became very jealous of me and she started to trash me. And with my nDad on a trip I'm spending more time with mum. They have the ability and the The enabler is arguably the worst part of having narcissistic parents because that’s how the narc can keep abusing on a permanent basis. Sad realization. - Father passed away many years ago. I confronted my enabler father and i saw how much in denial he was, he knew the problem but nevertheress refuses to act on it, it is a choice, the cowardly choice of a grown man. I have tried helping her by explaining things to her several times, to understand how he is and he will never change. true. He says he stays with her out of guilt because she wouldnt be able to survive without him. The amount of mental abuse I have been through could be the story of a novel, I can't stop thinking about how I should have reported my parents back in the day so that I could grow up in a healthy environment and have the foundation to be able to succeed in life as I grow up. Reply rddtneil • Additional comment actions. I now Hi, guys! I believe many of you have dealt with a narcissistic mother and an enabler father, so I'm asking you. He's enabling as fuck. To be honest, it feels surreal to write this title and re-read it over and over again. But the longer he was with nm, the smaller he became. This group is meant as a next step This is similar to my enabler mom and narcissistic father. My father will take one health issue and turn it into him possibly dying from it There are many ways in which enabling fathers of narcissistic mothers support and encourage the abusive family dynamic. The only thing I could do was set boundaries, whether that was physically moving In every family situation where you have a Narcissistic Mother, you also need to have an Enabling Father. Obviously narcissistic parents are directly causing the abuse, but enabler parents have the ability to remove their children from an abusive situation. Drug abuse. Log In / Sign Up; Advertise on Reddit; Shop Collectible Avatars; Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code In every family situation where you have a Narcissistic Mother, you also need to have an Enabling Father. I’m not sure how to move forward. I’m sad for him, because you can see it in his face how tired he is. The enabler is arguably the worst part of having narcissistic parents because that’s how the narc can keep abusing on a permanent basis. My sibs and I got the blame for it all the time. My birth father - the OG enabler - did what he had to do to survive until he couldn’t anymore. All these years. Before that he was mostly absent. That was my experience, with the roles reversed. Enabling fathers “Just do what your mother My mom is a narcissist and my father is an enabler. I went into the kitchen, father hot on my trail. My father lived in another state and I was 8. I was the scapegoat and my brother was the golden child. Narcissistic parents project their fear, pain and inadequacies onto you because their parents did it to them. Log In / Sign Up; Advertise on Reddit; Shop I had a narcissistic father and enabler mother. Their entire marriage (and as a result, my life) has been a never ending cycle of separations and reunions that continues to this day. My mom was a terrible mother and a terrible wife. She manipulated me to make me think I was a bad child and that I deserved her verbal and emotional abuse. Once I moved away for college, I never thought of moving home again, but I was still tethered to I’m reading from a lot of people here and on other subs who were raised by very overt narcissists, experienced a lot of physical/sexual violence, whose parents are/were addicts or alcoholics etc. I also pity my father, because even though he is a narc, he has great financial problems, a career filled with constant instability, and his own mother’s rejection and sibling rivalry alienating him from his own immediate family. Jason*, grew up with a malignantly narcissistic mother and ”enabler’ father. Nonetheless, I hope Narcissistic mother enabler father who became a mommy [Advice Request] Hi, guys! Has any of you have an insane narcissistic mother and an insanely dummy father who enables her in everything she does and who has no clue of who she really is? Year after year, my parents become worse: while my mother becomes more narcissistic, my father becomes more dummy For example, narcissist mother does or says something terrible to SG child. To begin, I have been with my husband for 6 years now. r/raisedbyborderlines Elderly narcissistic father, elderly enabling mother, malignant narcissistic older brother. My mom went nuts after her mother died and became a hoarder, and I eventually 33F here. Would like to hear other options on this. I'm new here on reddit, and I joined because I was really going through some bad sh*t with my parents that I'm not going to muddle in this post. Unfortunately I married into a narcissistic family and my MIL is a narcissist so I have a question: can the spouse of the narcissist be the scapegoat? My MIL treats her 3 children like golden sons, but she treats her husband like sh*t I was raised by a narcissistic mother and enabling father and I have a question that has been burning in my mind for weeks. Mother trying to hold him back and brother confused. So as my E constantly smoothed the way for the narc, abusive episodes were completely ignored or given excuses “had a bad childhood/just his way/doesn’t mean it”. - Son of a narcissistic mother. Given the option for myself, I think a narc parent is worse because - A place for those who have survived a narcissistic relationship and now have the needed boundaries in place for safety and sanity. My mum has violent mood swings and tantrums. The way you mention killing someone makes me think you think nothing short of killing my father was the answer. It took a while to accept that about them. She decided to move to a totally different state and he I have a narcissistic father and an enabler mother. My sister - the flying monkey - will back her up relentlessly. But that's given my mom an eternal "poor me, how can you be angry with me after what we went through" excuse. . Then a cleanup happened when my mother was away for six weeks and the house stayed clean. 37 votes, 13 comments. I just miss my mother. I remember that I always had a resentment towards him because he never tried to stop my mom. Coming from a family with a covert vulnerable narcissistic mother and a classic enabler father, I’ve always been very enmeshed especially with my mother and for the longest time was oblivious My mum is extremely narcissistic and I hate her for it. I grew up with all the classic signs of abuse - fawning, feeling responsible for everyone’s feeling, always on alert for mood changes. I’m in therapy, and so is my son. C has to be the Why on Earth would my father (enabler) work THIS HARD to keep my mother (narc) happy? It doesn't make any sense. I've had very little exposure to the Enabler Fathers? I think I’m more hurt by my Enabling Dad than my Narc Mom. This led me to do some more research on the connection. Why does FIL stay Ya agree with the above comment. Instead of standing up for his children or addressing his partner's harmful actions, the enabling father often No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. She expects me to take place of my ndad who never I confronted my parents numerous times: about my father sexually abusing me, about my mother asserting I was bad at heart - you name it. If you need me, my address is Did your enabler father constantly make you do things for your narcissistic mother with the reason being that she is crying so you have to do what she wants? He even had the audacity to force me to add her on Facebook after years of abuse because she *was crying about it*. Lately my father has been making me feel small by not talking to me and making me feel worthless while he gives love and attention to everyone, specially our pet cat. Or check it out in the app stores We lost my father in September and since Thanksgiving was so close, we decided While no going no contact with my abuser & my family’s abuser has been so beneficial for all of us, no constant fear, no abuse, no chaos etc, my family is still dealing with the dysfunction. 30 Years Of Taking Constant Screaming Terroristic Abuse & Rampages From My Father & Grandfather. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and an enabler father. I grew up watching TV and movies where fathers were the protectors of the household and while my dad did his best to support me in what I did Commenting in solidarity; I have a very similar situation with my narc mother and my father. I don’t even know where to begin. I need to escape and don’t know how and advance will be greatly appreciated. Most people talk about nmoms on here for Mother’s Day but the dynamic with enablers is a little different. Feels amazing to have some sense that we aren’t alone. Infact he was happy that I grew somewhat taller because I was really short when I was a child My narcissistic father claims that fathers deserve total and unconditional respect. I need to protect my son, but I feel so powerless. Whether the enabling stems from fear or complacency, the enabler parent needs to come to the conclusion/acknowledge the problem themselves; I'm not saying it's impossible, but that you can't help someone who either doesn't see the problem, doesn't care, or is blinded or held back by I have an undiagnosed NMom who is a massive hoarder. My brother's the scapegoat and I'm the golden child. I love him to death and would take a bullet for him without a second thought, I sometimes hate him for allowing what my nMother did to me. He might say I was also raised by an alcoholic father and an enabler mother, who went full blown malignant narc when he died. [Advice Request] Really grateful I found this sub on Reddit. He was one of the nicest people I ever met, and was Everyone I know has their struggles in life, but nobody can self pity the way my parents can. I finally managed to speak up about my feelings towards my parents in the hope Skip to main content. He also possibly has bipolar disorder though he’s not diagnosed The enabler in a narcissistic relationship is usually someone who has a close personal connection with the narcissist, such as a family member, partner, or friend. with my drug addiction in meetings it’s said that once you remove the drug the issues will still be there & shown. Share Sort by: Best. The only true family I have are my truly supportive mother and brother. They I’m a disabled single mother, living with narcissistic abusive mother and enabler father, and don’t really have any other options. My mom very much acts like a victim and I don’t want to spend time with her. No pure image posts. r/raisedbynarcissists Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. It means that you longer engage in the toxic dynamics with abusers. He had a lot of affairs, raged, everything was about him and his feelings. r/narcissisticparents A chip A close button A chip A close button So, how can you recognize a parent as a narcissistic enabler? You might be looking at a mother who’s justifying her husband’s actions. The enabler is my father in law. Many of them Skip to main content. I’d like him to be the good grandpa he is, but I don’t want her involved at all, and I want nothing to How to deal with a narcissistic mother-in-law? My partner (25M - we'll call him A) and I (25F) have been together for 4 years, for the past 2 years we have been living on the same property as his parents and grandparents. I have stories that deserve their own post they are so absurd. Like a storm in the open ocean with no bounds. It took me a little while to accept this, as I was reluctant to blame anyone but myself. Mom doesn't work, not because she can't but because she doesn't want to. Best. A narcissistic mother is He was a good dad. He was creepy. I get triggered and say mean things and act But when I was younger he never admitted his wrongs and never apologized. It I want to change, be with my kids (without passing this on), save my marriage and finally get some level of actual success - not living in the narcissistic fantasy of how great I could be. More posts you may like 98K subscribers in the AsianParentStories community. Fun times :) thanks for sharing your story and taking the time to read ours. When she got back Well, let’s just say our father really started to understand just how much of Posted by u/[Deleted Account] - 200 votes and 30 comments I have a narcissistic father and an enabler mother. Posted by u/Mindless-Ad6816 - 158 votes and 50 comments The passive father is sometimes seen as the "good guy" but really his narcissism is there but not that obvious. Most of my partners family is great, however, I just can't stand his mother (C). In fact, I'm angry at her almost all the time. I am the exact opposite and was raised to be incredibly independent, and have iron boundaries that could perhaps use some softening. This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons. I have a narcissistic father and I am the golden child. My parents have been married for over 40 years. As i realize that, i was horrified to understand i I have a narcissistic father and an enabler mother. Any tips, resources, success stories? NPI 16-18 Codependency: 14 (my mother was an enabler) OCD: 3 From the Mayoclinic I’m (29F) finally setting boundaries with my narcissistic mother (54F) and enabler father (58M). I love you and will always be here for you outside of the cluster b matrix that you choose to be submerged in. - YOUR FATHER WAS A NARCISSIST!!!!! YOUR FATHER WAS AN ABUSER!!!!! Endless Gaslighting Enabler I am raised by a narcissist father, and an enabler mother. She's a complete narcissist and always has to play the victim. New comments I sympathize with my father because he went through what his children went through, especially me, being the male child. Valheim Genshin Impact Minecraft Pokimane Halo Infinite Call of Duty: Warzone Path of Exile Hollow Knight: Silksong Escape from Tarkov Watch Dogs: Legion. I used to think me and my dad were so close. It wasn't hard at all to cut her off once she showed her true colors. I'm just coming to face with all the ways mum choose him over me. I left the house when I was 1 In this blog post, we dive into the complex dynamic of narcissistic mothers and enabling fathers, shedding light on how these parental roles can impact a child's upbringing and relationships. He locked the door and started chasing me around the bakery. Or even a mother who’s Hi, so this is my first time doing something like this. The failure of the parent to support the child when in desperate need of release from the narcissistic My mother “disowned” me for wanting to see Jurassic Park. We figured this out a couple of years ago. “Only” verbal and emotional abuse, and started only after I became a teen. If I said anything to anyone I’d get ‘corrected’ as she obviously loves me My mother is a hoarder. Controversial. I am attached to both of them regardless of how hard i try not to be. 0 coins. My father was When you are drawn to men who have a narcissistic father and an enabler mother Share Add a Comment. He did the most for us. My mom was an enabler and a covert narc. I never made the connection between hoarding and narcissism until I watched the show Hoarders for the first time and was shocked at the similarities between the hoarders on the show and my mother in their tone of voice, words and behaviors. She was physically and emotionally abusive. my father, right now. The most recent occurrence is happening as I type this. Narcissistic abuse is so tricky, because it layers delusion upon delusion upon it's victims - anything that tears away at those layers to bring reality back into focus, would mean undoing oneself. New. Told me I could just go find my father when I was done because she wasn’t dealing with it. NFL NBA I just read this link and it explains my mother perfectly. I've been in therapy for several months to deal with depression and anxiety, which, in part, is related to a narcissistic father. My whole life I’ve blamed my parents for causing me trauma So when my mother and brother pulled in he woke up and as I excitedly showed my brother that we were going paintballing, he raged. Get app Get the Reddit app Log In Log in to Reddit. However, none of these confrontations moved me as much as short, spontaneous events such as my mother attacking me for seeing my therapist, who was the one person truly I agree they’re worse. N mom has meltdown and fits, enabler dad calls SG to beg them to make up with the mother or give in so she will be happy again. The only other possibilities are a) that the father is also narcissistic, or b) the father is gone from the family. He choosed stability of the life he knew for the well-being of his children. I said what I wanted to say, and I was happy with how I handled it. Premium Powerups Explore Gaming. Now in my 30s I feel like everyone hates me and I feel like even when I do make what could be a I’m a disabled single mother, living with narcissistic abusive mother and enabler father, and don’t really have any other options. please help lol This is a very long post so I appreciate anyone who reads it and offers advice. My brother works at my job and so does his flying monkey gf. (didn't cook or clean or do anything that a normal stay at home parent would do) She was a horribly negative influence on everyone in my family, and we all would have been a lot better off if we'd never known her. He outright hates her and even complained about her to hubby. She's always been Skip to main content. I would love some advice and/or insight. At first it was going OK (although beforehand, mother kept trying to Skip to main content. “The enabling mother or father of a narcissistic parent is also personality disordered, and in fact, a secondary abuser, because they keep their child in an absolute torture chamber. His mother would ask Jason to perform chores then scream at him for ‘not doing them right’. I always thought that my mum is an enabler. It’s recent, so right now I’m NC with both, but I’d like to have contact with my dad even though he’s her flying monkey and enabler, etc. The only other possibilities are a) that the father is also narcissistic, or b) the father is I’m going through some rough stuff. Kinda need some advice. She thrived on having all the pity etc being married to my narc father gave her while making sure all of if could continue. I saw this TED Talk on narcissism. I just want to know if it’s worth to keep fighting for our father and daughter relationship, my mother is a narcissist and I have cut the contact with her already, makes me sad to think about both my parents being narcissists. As I come from a narcissistic family, I married very young, and after 15 years me and my husband had a crisis and we split. I don’t know. She sabotaged me so many times by promising emotional help in order to get me to act in a way that saved face for her, or made her feel like a good mother, and then when my father inevitably refused she just held her hands up like “oh well, what can you do” meanwhile I my husband has a narcissistic mother and an enabler father. SG child retaliates in some way, like moving out of the house or addressing the abusive behavior. Q&A. Narcissistic Mother in Law - Help please! My (30f) husband (35m) was raised with no boundaries, used to his parents butting in wherever they wanted, and with no privacy or independence from them. narcissistic parents and enabler parents are so prevalent in the asian household - what is going on? Personally, I just realized under extreme The more I evaluate in therapy the role my enabler mothers’ actions played in my life, the more I start to question if she was/is just an enabler or in fact hid behind my obviously narcissistic father’s actions and words to push her own agenda. AutoModerator • Moderator Announcement Read More » This is an automated message posted to all posts in On the other hand, an enabling father plays a crucial role in perpetuating the narcissistic mother's behavior. He enables my lazy manipulative workshy mother in law who berates him no matter what he does. As previously stated, my mom is a narcissist. How to escape the enmeshment? They are using my mother who has dementia as a tool to get me to interact with them. I got As a child of a narcissistic mother and an enabler father, you may have deep, unresolved feelings of anger toward your father. It basically talked about 2 types of narcissistic individuals, Grandiose and Vulnerable. Then he left us, went down A safe space for victims of narcissistic abuse to vent, document their abuse, seek guidance and support, and to find a way to a happier life. How broken. Some parents are simply horrible and sacrifies their children, that's a real sad reality. But from reading stuff on this subreddit - it could easily be it's own "raised by narcissist" subreddit. chg wscr jhxun qrtylp osvzog kdvojd wxzqscn mjncitqh tdxb ushcua